Surviving History: Keeping Yourself Whole In A Fractionated World

How do we keep ourselves afloat when the storm feels never ending? How can we manage to keep our heads above water when everything around us seems designed to drown us in misery and hopelessness?  Not only that, but how can we do “enough” to keep those around us safe while we struggle for our own physical and emotional survival? Empathetic people everywhere have echoed these questions in response to what is going on in our country and the world at large. At times, it may feel as if these questions make us feel more alone and isolated, but in reality, there is an entire community of people feeling the same thing. There is not one singular answer to these questions, but learning how to listen to your intuition will keep you from drowning in what seems like unrelenting chaos. 

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They Want You To Feel Hopeless

While everything happening right now feels unprecedented, the truth is that Americans have always lived under a system of economic oppression. The domination of society by ultra wealthy elites is nothing new, nor is their rapacious desire to accrue increasingly vast amounts of wealth at the expense of those around them. What is happening now is merely the natural extension of a long-term political project. Pitting us against each other over things like race and gender prevents us from aligning as a larger, more powerful group to rightfully demand a world that is truly just and benefits everyone. This is why the ultra wealthy will always back the fascist, because their goals ultimately parallel each other. The emotional states we are pushed into when witnessing  injustice and violent oppression are counterintuitively the same ones that make it difficult to take action against fascism. When we are overwhelmed by the chaos surrounding us, it is common to feel demoralized. We may begin to doubt ourselves, to question our capacity to effect change. We might say to ourselves:

“I’m just one person, what could I possibly do to stop what’s happening? Why should I even try?”

Rather than being in an action-oriented state, we remain in a state of inaction, overcome by our anxieties as we exacerbate our suffering with doom scrolling and negative self-talk. The communities  we need to fight for and defend are not helped by our self-flagulation; the people at the top are easily able to maintain power when the masses  are distracted by pain and rooted in place by fear.

The Fight To Survive

That pain is probably present as you’re reading this.  Reading about fighting, survival, and authoritarianism stresses us out. That stress is not a sign of weakness or failure, but rather an awareness of how your body is responding to  living under White Supremacy your entire life. So take a few seconds, breathe deep from the lower parts of your belly, and reset.  Let your chest and heart-space relax before continuing on… 

Our actions need to be calculated and concentrated if we are to gain anything from what we are currently enduring. When I consider what is required to survive the chaos that fascism is designed to create, I think about the struggle that the LGBTQ+ community endured during the AIDS crisis. The following quote from writer, podcaster, and activist Dan Savage perfectly encapsulates the cycle of resistance: 

"We buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night. The dance kept us in the fight because it was the dance we were fighting for.” 

We must fully participate in every part of that cycle of resistance. That means grieving who and what we have lost while actively working against the powers that be. However, it is just as vital that we spend time celebrating that they have not won; making space for the love and joy that they so desperately want to destroy. If the full spectrum of the human experience is what they wish to extinguish, then we must instead feed that flame.

The Journey So Far

Our own personal journeys with resistance are unique to us.  It took me maturing into adulthood to realize that not only was inequity in this country something I needed to stand up against, but also the way in which I did that standing up was important too. Being raised with the privilege of living as a White Evangelical Christian blinded me to the systemic oppression that is ingrained within our Western culture. The emotional shock I felt at state-sanctioned violence is a testament to how my privilege protected me not just physically, but emotionally as well; ignorance truly was bliss. This shock worked in tandem with my anger and kept me in an unhealthy reactive state–something for which I had to seek my own therapeutic healing. While anger is a natural, healthy emotion to feel when we witness or experience injustice, anger that we don’t know how to feel becomes like a bull in a china shop. That was me for the longest time. Looking back, seeking out therapy for my anger is what began my journey to being a liberation and justice-oriented therapist, because I had to humbly realize that my own inability to regulate my emotions was negatively impacting me, and would be detrimental to my clients. We have to learn how to be agile and precise with our anger, rather than be the bull in the china shop. When we learn to manage our anger and become a curious observer to it, then we can be strategic with how we utilize it, rather than smash and destroy everything in sight. 

Anger Moves Us Forward

Collective anger can be a powerful force when focused towards a common goal; BIPOC communities have historically used this force to reclaim rights that were stolen. Our ability to feel our anger in a manageable way without being overwhelmed and drowned by it will be essential for combating the things happening in our country currently. But when that anger becomes unmanageable, we struggle to take in information and adequately process it. We make irrational decisions and fail to articulate the message we want to get across. We ignore our gut instincts and cut ourselves off from our intuition.  

I can’t say my journey with anger is over; being raised within the Evangelical Church, I had to break away and critically analyze my faith in order to begin the path of resistance. But that path is still a challenge to traverse. After over a decade of practicing yoga and undergoing trauma therapy am I now more easily able to let go of displaced anger and acknowledge when it is unproductive. Since doing so, I have been able to lean on the wisdom of trailblazers like Ibram X. Kendi, Carter Heyward, Alok Vaid Menon, and Dr. David Campt when needing to regain perspective on my role within the larger body of group resistance. The mechanisms we use individually don’t feel like much but when we find where we fit into the body of resistance, we keep it moving forward. 

For more information on having an anti-racist clinical practice, check out Dr. Raquel Marten and Dr. Han Ren’s clinical training here.